I found my Higher Power at an ancient bathhouse in Vallromanes, Spain.
Aire Ancient Baths | Vallromanes
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”
The Serenity Prayer
In Alcoholics Anonymous, we talk a lot about God and our Higher Power. Something greater than ourselves. It’s something I’ve personally struggled with during my three years in the program.
I listen to others talk about their God and how it gives them strength. How God is their guiding light when they start to question things. I’ve often wondered if I’m either too ignorant or too stubborn to find him. But I keep searching.
Religion, God and faith were singular in my mind. It wasn’t until I started this program that I realized you can have faith in a God without being religious. Even though rationally I’m aware they can be separate, I still have a difficult time saying I believe in a God.
I was raised by an atheist and a Bahá'í. My upbringing was a bit unconventional especially because I grew up in middle America where there are as many churches as there are restaurants in town. I was raised to believe that you didn’t have to go to church to believe in God or even to pray to one.
There were times when I was growing up that I didn’t want to be different so I thought belonging to a church was something I should do. My parents encouraged my sister and I to explore our faith and learn about all of the religions out there.
When I struggled with finding the right fit, my mom offered to go with me to every church, every synagogue, every mosque - just so I could fully understand all of the different religions out there and further appreciate the people in each congregation. I’m so lucky to have such openminded parents.
When I met my husband, who was raised Lutheran, I was drawn to be closer to his religion. Still searching. I wasn’t baptized as a child so at the age of 25, I felt like it was something I needed to do. I went through the Lutheran confirmation classes and got baptized in the church we married in.
I guess I thought that I would immediately feel different and everything I had been searching for would come to me as soon as the holy water grazed my forehead.
That wasn’t the case. Instead, during the confirmation classes, I found myself asking more and more questions about what I was learning and found issues with what they were preaching. I eventually asked the pastor leading the classes to meet privately so I could address my concerns - hoping for reaffirming answers to some questions that kept me up at night.
The biggest thing I couldn’t get out of my head was about how if you weren’t baptized and accept Jesus as the son of God into your heart, you wouldn’t go to heaven. My mom wasn’t baptized nor does she believe Jesus is the son of God. My sister isn’t baptized. My father doesn’t believe in God (although he was raised Catholic, he long ago dismissed the religion and now finds his faith in nature).
I asked the pastor the question that weighed heavily on my heart, “are you saying that my parents, who are two of the best people I know, people who I’ve witnessed help those in need without asking for anything in return… are you saying that they won’t go to this magical place you speak of—heaven?”
The pastor didn’t blink before responding, “that’s correct, your parents will not go to heaven”. And that was it for me. I decided right then and there that if my parents weren’t eligible to spend eternity in heaven, then it wasn’t really a place I thought I should go to either. I felt more lost than I did when I started my journey to find my faith.
When I started attending AA meetings, I immediately noticed the number of times God was mentioned, both in the 12 steps and throughout the Big Book. Because I couldn’t separate God from religion, this became a barrier for me. One I thought may hinder my success in completing the steps to recovery.
I felt hopeless until someone finally explained to me that God doesn’t have to be what we are often told God is. It can be anything. It just has to be something bigger than you. The words are clear in the AA 12 steps, even though I missed it at first. Behind the word “God,” the phrase “as we understand him” follows.
“God as we understand him.” - Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous
God can be a personal concept, such as a spiritual principle of one’s own creation.
So that was how I worked the steps, realizing that when the word God appears, it can be a personal concept, such as a spiritual principle of one’s own creation. When I reached the 12th step which describes having a spiritual awakening, I was stuck again.
I thought there would be some sort of bright light with instant clarity. I shared in my AA group my challenges and someone plainly asked me what keeps me going in my recovery. I responded, “I guess the thing that keeps me sober is that although I’m not sure who I want to be, I do know who I don’t want to be”.
Someone snapped their fingers and said, “that’s it. That’s your spiritual awakening”.
It was a pivotal moment in my journey. I finally felt like I understood the idea of a higher power. Not as a being but as a mantra so to speak. That became my guiding light. My Higher Power. Moving forward in a direction to change who I was.
In July of 2026, my mom, sister, aunt and I traveled through Europe along the Mediterranean. While in Barcelona, we visited an ancient bathhouse with thermal pools in an old farmhouse in Vallromanes - about 30 minutes outside Barcelona in the countryside. The old building was built in the 1400s and has been converted into a thermal spa.
Lit only by candlelight and the natural sunlight streaming through the old embrasures, we spent a relaxing morning experiencing the sensations of each bath and what the various water temperatures offered our bodies.
I became weightless in a salt bath and let my body go numb in an ice bath (which literally had chunks of ice floating around in it). With the sun rays dancing on fog in the steam room, I played with the rays using my outstretched fingers to interrupt the warm sun as it patterned my skin.
One of the baths has a small tunnel carved through the old farmhouse frame giving access to a heated bath in the open air. After being in the dim lighting of the bathhouse, the warm sun and fresh country air came over me like a gentle wave.
Finding a seat on the ledge of the bath, looking up into the bluest, clearest sky, with no sounds except the rhythmic hum of the jets, I let myself get lost fully in the experience. The sun was warm on my skin and the moment was so peaceful, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt so comfortable.
I was so at ease and fully consumed.
It was a perfect moment.
I can humbly admit, for the first time in my life, I felt a pull to something bigger than me. Not an idea or a mantra, rather a deep connection to what I can only describe as a Higher Power.
Without realizing it, I had tears rolling down my cheeks. It was a perfect moment and I can humbly admit, for the first time in my life, I felt a pull to something bigger than me. Not an idea or a mantra, rather a deep connection to what I can only describe as a Higher Power. I didn’t hear voices or experience a grand presence.
But somehow I knew in my heart, that there was something there.
Finally realizing I am not in control, I took time to breathe deeper than I had in months and let the weight of the overwhelming peace take over my soul. A piece of me healed that morning. I gained a connection to a part of myself that I didn’t even know was there.
I found a purpose in those baths and it is the very reason I’m writing this today. I was drawn to share my experience with others. To give space to the pain I’ve carried and remind others, as I know too, I’m not alone.
Traveling sober can be daunting and even overwhelming. Finding ways to enjoy myself was something I thought I would lose when I could no longer reach for the bottle. In the beginning of my recovery, I had reluctant hope (even faked it at times), believing joy and peace were possible for people like us.
Now I know it truly is. And even on my worst days, I now know that healing and growth is not something we have to seek but rather let it find us.
Even in the most unlikely place, when I allowed myself to be open to it, a power greater than me revealed itself and became available to help carry the weight of my burdens. A guide to discover my true self.
The version of myself I want to be.
Written by: Parwick
Photo credit: Air Ancient Baths, 2026
