Understanding the meaning of “one day at a time” on the steps of Positano, Italy.

Amalfi Coast | Positano, Italy

“Its houses climb a hill so steep it would be a cliff except that stairs are cut in it... Everything else is stairs, some of them as steep as ladders. You do not walk to visit a friend, you either climb or slide.”
- John Steinbeck, *1953* *Harper's Bazaar*

If you’ve ever had the opportunity to visit the Amalfi Coast in Italy, specifically Positano, you know how spectacular it is. The pastel buildings are expertly designed into the mountainside. With the Mediterranean Sea as its backdrop, it’s one of the most gorgeous places I’ve ever visited.

The quaint city was essentially built on top of itself—vertically. Full of charm and history, lemon trees and bougainvillea adorn the landscape in the most iconic way. Never had I visited a city so quintessentially picturesque that it could fully live up to the hype until I stood on Spiaggia Grande in Positano.

One of the things you may not realize when looking at postcard-perfect photos of the landscape and its distinct layout is that stone-paved steps intertwine among the old buildings and archways up the mountain.

What were once old mule routes to connect the higher neighborhood to the sea, the steps feel as though they’ve been there as long as the city itself. The worn steps follow the natural contour of the terrain. Almost maze-like at times, they weave through narrow lanes and piazzas.

In AA we live by the mantra ‘one day at a time.’ It’s not just an idea. It’s a way of living. We must surrender ourselves to the process. If we are willing to be honest with ourselves and have a desire to quit drinking, we can find recovery… one day at a time.

For me, I started even smaller. I walked this sober life one minute at a time, one hour, and eventually, when I was strong enough, one day at a time. And if all else failed, if the day got to be too hard, I put myself to bed. These simple words were wisely shared with me by one of my close friends.

Until you have to face the enormity of sobriety and the life-altering changes needed to grow, it’s hard to grasp the importance of this idea. I began my sober journey in July.

We had a wedding to go to Labor Day weekend that same year. If I let myself think about that weekend, what should have been a weekend consumed by drinking, I would become paralyzed with fear. Thinking about anything beyond the day I was living, my mind would spiral until a panic attack took me.

*One day at a time.*

Until you have to face the enormity of sobriety and the life-altering changes needed to grow, it’s hard to grasp the importance of this idea.

When I was drinking, I was the life of the party. At another friend’s wedding several years prior, I was reminded of my uncivilized behavior when the newlyweds’ ‘thank you’ card came in the mail and read “we would say we hope you had fun, but since Toots was dancing on the tables, we know the answer.”

That should’ve been mortifying. I should’ve apologized for my classless behavior but I found it funny and wore it like a badge. What should have embarrassed me became part of my identity—one I was proud of. I was known as Hurricane Toots when I drank.

Now sober, to think that I would have to go to another wedding with the same group of friends who expected my larger-than-life personality, it was terrifying. I had developed a reputation as a fun drunk but I was nothing close to that version sober… especially not newly sober.

If I let myself think about the future, knowing everything I would have to overcome to stay on the right track, doubt would creep in. I struggled to believe that I could attend any big event without reaching for the bottle.

That’s when I really grasped the understanding of the phrase ‘one day at a time.’ Because that was all I could control. I had to be in the present to get through daily challenges I faced. Otherwise, failure was imminent.

Never did I believe that I could go to a wedding, not drink, and have fun. And sure enough, the wedding was not a joyful experience for me. It was one of the first real tests I faced in my sober journey. I was irritable and easily annoyed.

The only memory I have of the weekend was getting lost in an Ikea for a few hours, leaving with several large blue bags full of shit I definitely needed like unicorn-shaped sponges, while my husband golfed with the guys.

You can’t see the top.

You can’t give up when it gets hard. You just have to keep going. One day at a time. One decision at a time. One step at a time.

While visiting Positano, we easily made our way down the paved pathways, enjoying the scenery, stopping for coffee and lunch, and eventually making our way to the pebbled beach, Spiaggia Grande, embracing the turquoise glint of the Mediterranean. Getting back up to where we were to meet our driver was not direct, and it certainly wasn’t easy.

We’d climb what we thought should be the final staircase, squeeze between old walls and brightly painted houses, turn a corner, and discover another flight waiting for us. Then another. And another. The stairs seem to disappear into the hillside, interrupted only by tiny landings allowing us to catch our breath.

I was with my mom and sister. After what felt like 800 flights, we started laughing through our pain. We cursed at every new set of stairs we encountered until we finally made it to the top. It didn’t help that we were carrying several extra pounds from our shopping adventures.

Once we finally caught our breath and allowed ourselves to appreciate our feat, we took in the views we'd earned by making the climb

And that is exactly what recovery looks like. You can’t see the top. You don’t know what your life will look like in five weeks and definitely not in five months. You can’t give up when it gets hard. You just have to keep going. One day at a time. One decision at a time. One step at a time.

There were times when I felt strong and confident as I climbed toward becoming the person I wanted to be. There were days when I felt like taking even the next step would kill me. Some days were painful and seemed unbearable. Some days I could pause and catch my breath. It’s all part of the process. All part of the climb.

Just like climbing those steps in Positano, I forced myself to focus only on the step in front of me. I refused to look too far ahead fearing I would quit or turn back. And once I made it to the top, I savored the view. I will never let myself forget the challenges I faced because it is part of my journey. Each and every step I take along the way defines me.

I don't know what the next staircase in my journey will look like, or how many steps will be waiting for me around the next corner. But I know now that I don't need to see the top to keep climbing. I just need to take the next step.